STOP AND THINK??????

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman :where's the self-help section?" She said... If she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a Turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Can Vegetarians eat Animal Crackers?

Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machine buttons?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road "deer crossing" signs?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns...do the rest drown too?

If you try to fail, and succeed,...which have you done?

 Why is it called Tourist Season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Can an athiest get insurance against Acts of God?